


Issues of Infamy

by grainjew



Category: One Piece
Genre: Chapter 903, G-d luffy is such an idiot. i love him., Gen, Luffy Being Luffy, Nothing Goes Smoothly For The Straw Hats Ever, THIS IS A CHAPTER 903 FIC AND THEREFORE THERE ARE SPOILERS, antics, chopper kind of wanders off partway through and i apologize, luffy is terrifying but only to people who dont know him today, nami is full of exasperation and the desire for gold, theres a couple ocs but theyre pretty much there to provide outsider pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 22:45:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14482833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grainjew/pseuds/grainjew
Summary: On their way to Wano, the Straw Hats stop at an island to pick up supplies. It goes exactly as well as one would expect."Hey, Nami," asked Luffy, his face pulled down into an uncertain frown, "what were they all running away from?"Nami sighed again and even Chopper looked exasperated. "You, idiot."





	Issues of Infamy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fallingwish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingwish/gifts).



> i didnt mean to write this but it sure did happen and im very amused so you guys get to see it too. these idiots.
> 
> CONTAINS CHAPTER 903 SPOILERS!!!!!

It was just Nami, Chopper, and Luffy who made their way to the market after they docked, Nami armed with Sanji's multi-page shopping list and Chopper and Luffy armed with insatiable hunger. They would have made a straight shot to Wano, but given that they were low on supplies and following a Vivre Card anyways, Nami and Sanji made a joint effort to insist on a short stop on the island that had shown up unshaking on Nami's log pose.

The plan had been to get in, get supplies, and get out, sending their least obtrusive crewmembers (and Luffy, who needed to stretch his legs) to prevent immediate recognition.

Of course, they should have remembered that the Straw Hats had never made a plan that went perfectly in their entire history as a crew. And that Luffy was with them.

In essence, the moment they entered the marketplace, a young man spotted Luffy, pointed, screamed, and _bolted_.

It only got more chaotic from there.

People, in their rush to flee, knocked over stands and other people. Merchants desperately grabbed at flying merchandise or snatched their coffers and ran. Someone got stepped on. Someone else got stabbed. With remarkable efficiency, all things considered, the marketplace emptied to only a dozen fearless people hiding behind toppled tables and brandishing weapons.

Nami sighed.

"Hey, Nami," asked Luffy, his face pulled down into an uncertain frown, "what were they all running away from?"

Nami sighed again and even Chopper looked exasperated. "You, idiot."

He tilted his head to the side in a way that would have been adorable if it didn't consistently cause Nami headaches. "What? Me? Why?"

"You're an Emperor now," said Chopper, somehow managing to sound longsuffering and shocked at the same time, like the reality of that newspaper article had only just hit him. "That means you're scary, and people run away from you."

"Huh," said Luffy, in the tone of voice that indicated he was making a decision. "...that's boring. Hey, guys!" he added, voice suddenly loud as he waved at the people left over from the exodus with his arms. "Did everyone really leave cause of me?"

The people fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Uh, yeah," said a woman, her hand on an enormous warhammer. "They didn't want to die, which is pretty reasonable." Despite her calm words, she looked like she was shaking.

"Ehhhh," said Luffy, and then he wandered over to a relatively intact stand that looked like it had been selling meat pies until its owner fled. He stuffed one in his mouth. "'least there's food."

"If you don't hurt us, we won't hurt you," said Nami, giving up on the entire situation. She walked over to a stand herself, this one overflowing onto the street with disturbed bolts of fabric, and started on picking the lock on its safe.

The woman with the warhammer stared at her, eyes darting between Luffy stuffing food in his mouth like he hadn't eaten in months, Nami blatantly stealing money, and Chopper frowning around the entire market square. "...if I say this is Big Mom's territory, that won't make you leave, will it?"

"Why would I care about _that_?" asked Luffy, almost unintelligible around the many pies that had his cheeks bulging like a chipmunk.

"Thought so," said the woman. She looked distinctly at a loss.

"But they're stealing things, that don't belong to them!" squeaked a voice, and Nami looked around until she spotted a child hugging its fathers leg with one arm and pointing at Nami with the other. "Papa, why aren't you doing anything?"

The father let out a helpless breath. "That's Straw Hat Luffy, kiddo."

"The one who was in the newspaper?"

"Yeah, him. If I tried to make him stop, then you wouldn't _have_ a Papa anymore. Some pirates are just too powerful for normal people like us to bring to justice." He looked down. "Didn't I tell you to run away with your sister?"

"Yeah, but—!"

"Well if _you're_ too much of a coward," interrupted a young woman in a guard's uniform, just as Nami finally got the safe open and tried to ignore how familiar that conversation sounded, "then I guess I'll have to take matters into my own hands."

She made to swing her rifle up, but before she could place it properly the woman with the warhammer leapt in front of her. "Are you an _idiot_?"

"They're stealing, are you gonna aid and abet?" questioned the young woman with the rifle, furious.

"Didn't you hear what Cat Burglar Nami said? If we leave them alone, they won't touch us. I want this town standing at the end of the day."

"But they're—"

The woman with the warhammer pushed the rifle's tip towards the ground. "You think you can take on an Emperor of the New World and win?"

"I can try!"

"You can _die_ ," said the woman with the warhammer. "And get everyone else killed while you're at it."

And then Luffy came out of nowhere to stare the young woman with the rifle directly in the face, completely disregarding the way the woman with the warhammer scuttled out out of his way.

The young woman's eyes widened with what was probably fear. Nami stuffed the last of the safe's contents in her bag. Luffy stuffed a last meat pie in his mouth.

"You can't hit me," said Luffy, around his food. "But you're less boring than everyone else here, so we can fight if you wanna."

Nami picked up her bag of money, marched over, and thwaped Luffy on the head with the shopping list. "Stop terrorizing the townspeople and help me get supplies."

"But Nami, _she_ wanted to fight me!" complained Luffy.

"Sanji can't make you food if we don't fill his shopping list," said Nami, trying to sound reasonable. Oh, she loved her captain, but whether she respected him or not was more often than not up in the air.

Luffy frowned at her. She frowned back. They frowned at each other.

The young woman with the rifle raised her rife.

They swung around and glared at her instead.

Her rifle fell out of her hands.

"Guess you don't want to fight, then," said Luffy, sounding deeply disappointed. He turned around, his back to her, and tilted his head at Nami. "What's on the shopping list?"

"Let's see," said Nami, unrolling it from its status as a thwapping baton to read. "Mushrooms, wheat flour, barley, celery, —"

"Oh, boring stuff," said Luffy dismissively. "You and Chopper can do that, I'm going exploring."

Before Nami could do anything about it, he launched himself away and crashed onto a rooftop. Loudly. Nami suppressed the urge to wonder aloud why she had ever decided to get on board his ship.

Instead, she waved charmingly at the two women and (metaphorically) skipped off to go inspect the toppled stands for supplies and also Chopper.

 _If everyone left, that means it’s all free,_ realized Nami, her mood and opinion of Luffy instantly improving. Maybe her captain was good for some things other than punching people after all.

**Author's Note:**

> im @grainjew on tumblr and twitter, come talk to me !!


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